It’s almost September now, and if you were a normal human being, you would listen to those boring official letters saying “blah blah, back to school!” and boring people trying to sell you products you don’t need, like sham-poo. But you’re not a normal human being. You’re a mercenary.

Mercenaries do not care about school, they care about how they’re gonna make that crybaby leave the battlefield and say to themselves: “that’s it, I quit my job and start a new career in jazz”, right before I storm into their house and tell them that creating art is not for cowards.

Lucky for you, gravel fighter, that crybaby jazz hippie left behind a large house with eleven cosmetics and five maps! (It was a big house). He was actually hiding them from me. How did I know? Feelings. Why did this mega bastard hide those items from the public eye? I don’t know, maybe I scared him away when I was about to go in that supermarket and he said “Sir, I can’t let you in if you don’t put on a shirt right now”, told him who I was and threw a shopping cart at him.

Anyway, do you want to see the stuff I got for ya? Of course you do! Those are some nice new facilities to defend, with style!

The event is live now. Summer is over, get back to fight already!